Hogwarts' Funniest Home Videos
by Bindy Malfoy
Summary: I got the idea from my good friend HarryFan. I've yet to read other peoples', but I hope mine will work!


Hogwarts Funniest Videos  
  
Ron: Hello everyone. Tonight we've got a great show for you. We have a bunch of tapes for you. Hopefully you'll find these funny. Hermione: Turn on the tape, Harry. TAPE #1 BEHIND THE SCENES AT THE MALFOY'S [Draco Malfoy is in the shower singing and doing the disco to an Eminem song. The shower curtain is up, but you can see the outline of his body.] Malfoy: I know you want me, baby I think I want you, too I think I love you, baby I think I love you, too I'm here to save you, girl Come be in Draco's world I wanna go together, let's let our love unfurl... [Draco's mother, Narcissa, walks in.] Narcissa: Draco! What are you doing? Draco: Singing? Narcissa: Okay, but please, no more dancing. Especially disco. Draco: Okay. [She walks off and Draco sings once again.] Draco: You know you want me, baby You know I want you, too They call me Draco Malfoy I'm here to rescue you I wanna save you, girl Come be in Draco's world Oh boy you drive me crazy Chick, you- [Draco stops for a moment after he hits his arm on the faucet.] Draco: They call me Draco, man [Stops when his father walks in.] Lucius: Draco, enough singing. Draco: Yes, father. [After Lucius leaves, Draco sings once again.] Draco: Got no ring on this finger now I never let another chick bring me down In a relationship- [Lucius comes back in.] Lucius: Draco, sing something else! Draco: But I like this song! Lucius: If you're still moping over Pansy's dumping you, it's your own damn fault!\ [Draco's jaw drops.] Lucius: What, you're surprised because Pansy dumped you? Draco: Well, that too, but-You said the D word! Lucius: Sing something else, Draco. Draco: Fine. [He begins to sing The Chop'n Broccoli Song.] There's a lady I know- Lucius: Draco! Draco: What? [Ron and Harry are laughing. Hermione is shocked and speechless.] Ron: Well now we know what goes on at his house. Harry: That was more than I needed to hear. Ron: Never heard Malfoy sing before. Harry: He's not bad. He could be in the choir. Ron: Yeah, only if he wasn't that good, he'd still get in. His dad would threaten them. Harry: Yeah. Ron: What about you, Hermione? What do you think? Hermione: He's got a good voice- Ron: Ooooohhh! She likes Malfoy! Hermione: Do not! Harry: Do to! Hermione: Just play the next tape! TAPE #2 THE MISCHIEVOUS WEASLEY TWINS "AT WORK" [Fred and George are positioned in front of the mirror, stuffing something into their shirts.] Fred: George, you need more on the left. They're two different sizes! George: Well you try to pass yourself off as a sexy girl for once! Fred: I'm doing this with you! And we're not trying to be sexy! George: I am. Fred: Why? George: Because. Fred: Still can't get Wood off your mind? George: You think he'll believe I'm a girl? Fred: Oh yeah. Nobody could miss those. [George blushes. He stuffs more tissue paper into his shirt.] George: Fred? Fred: Yeah, George? George: Do I have to wear this bra? Fred: Yes, George. All girls wear bras, and if you want to pass yourself off as a girl, you need a bra on. George: But just yesterday I saw a girl with no bra on. Fred: How'd you notice. George: She bent down and I, um- Fred: You looked? George! We're not that naughty! George: I-I didn't mean to. It was just so intriguing! But this bra is killing me! Fred: Oh, well, I think you got the smaller size. George: So you really think Wood'll fall for me? Fred: What is it with you and Wood? George: It's not my fault he's hot! Fred: Why don't you use your girlyness for something better? George: Like what? Fred: Like...like...Like getting female discounts! George: Do they really do that? Fred: If we make ourselves look old. Then we'll get seniors' discounts. George: Sweet! And then I'll get Wood right where I want him! Ron: What? [Harry and Hermione are laughing. Harry falls over.] Ron: Oh shut up you two. I didn't know they were like that! Can we get the next tape? TAPE #3 THE FACE BEHIND THE MASK [Voldemort is dancing around with somebody. It is Lili Potter. James Potter is watching enviously.] James: Hey, buddy, can I have my wife back now? [James turns as different music comes on. "Your Body Is A Wonderland", John Mayer.] James: So this is what I died for? Lili: Don't worry, James. This means nothing. James: Oh really? Then could you explain to me why I never see you? You're always out, he's always over for dinner, lunch, breakfast-dessert! What about me? I smashed my head into a gravestone and all you cared about was Lonely Voldemort! Lili: James! How dare you talk about my baby like that? James: Huh? Voldemort: She is my own... Lili: ...my precious... James: You've said that before, but not to him. Lili: You were once my precious. Things have changed. When you die, James, you have to move on. I can't live with you forever. You should go back to the house and stay with Harry. James: In case you didn't notice, Lili, we're Dead! I can't go home and see our adorable son! I probably would get lost, anyways! Lili: I'm not dead! I'm full of life! Voldemort: She's the life of the party, James. [James walks off.] Lili: I love you, Voldemort. Voldemort: I love you, too, Lili. James: They make me sick... [Lili and Voldemort kiss for what seems like forever.] Harry: Why did we show this one? Ron: I didn't see that one. Hermione: That's because someone switched the tapes. That wasn't funny. Harry: It was actually kind of funny to see Voldemort dancing. Hermione: With your mom? Having your dad get heartbroken? No, Harry, that was sad. Ron: What's the next tape? Harry: Oh, this one is "special." Ron: Why's that? Harry: You'll see...Hit it! TAPE # 4 A NORMAL DAY AT THE BEACH [Ron and Viktor Krum are at the beach. Ron is putting suntan lotion on Viktor's back.] Viktor: You like Hermione, don't you? Ron: Hey, you said her name right! Viktor: Do you like her? Ron: Well, between you and me... [He leans over and whispers into Krum's ear.] Ron...yes... Viktor: RONALD VEASLEY LIKES HERMIONE GRANGER! Ron: Shhhh! She could hear you! [They see a red-headed man run by naked into the water.] Ron: Was that...Gilderoy Lockhart? Viktor: Yes, yes it was. [Ron and Krum go to the water and confront Lockhart.] Lockhart: Oh, er, boys! Nice to see you again, Ron. Um, please excuse my nakedness, I, um- [McGonogall runs over to him in a bikini.] McGonogall: Gilderoy-oh my word! Ronald Weasley! Viktor Krum! Explain yourselves immediately! Ron: Well, we came to the beach and saw Lockhart run by naked and we went to say hi, I guess. McGonogall: Didn't your mother ever tell you not to run after naked men? Ron: Obviously no one told you. McGonogall: You two will be receiving detentions. Ron: We're not at Hogwarts anymore. [Krum is admiring McGonogall's body until Ron elbows him.] Lockhart: If you three don't mind, I'm going back into the water. Some little boys are laughing at my nakedness... McGonogall: Very well then. [She turns to Ron and Viktor.] McGonogall: Run along, now. I must go find Snape. He is looking rather sexy this summer... Ron: Eeeewwww! Hermione: I didn't need to see that... Harry: More! More! More! Ron and Hermione: Harry! Harry: What? [He reaches into his bag of pretzels. He takes out a few.] Harry: I was talking about the pretzels. The video was disturbing. [Turns to audience.] Harry: Okay. Now it's time once again to vote for the one you think is funniest. We'll see you next week! To vote for your favourite video, just send me a review. 


End file.
